The Real Game of Thrones – Part 2: Seven Times History Inspired G.R.R. Martin

This is Part 2 of Rest is History’s “The Real Game of Thrones” – Click Here to check out Part 1 if you have not already done so.

Unless you have been living under a rock in recent years, you will have no doubt heard of the hit television show Game of Thrones, based on the fantasy novel series by author George R.R. Martin. Much of Game of Thrones and it’s source material are taken from history, with Martin’s wondrous fiction woven through them as they blend into one massive incredible tale. The backbone of Martin’s story is lifted straight from the English Wars of the Roses which you can find over in Part 1.

This article will look into seven instances where the show touches on historical themes, people and events. Before we start though, two quick caveats: the story lines that I’ll be looking at come from the television show rather than the books, mostly because I believe more people are familiar with them and partly because I have not read all of them yet. Secondly, it goes without saying that this article contains spoilers, so if you are not fully caught up then read at your own peril!

1 – Lyanna’s Abduction and the Rape of Lucretia

Before Rome was an empire it was a republic, and before it was a republic it was a kingdom. What brought around the end of the Roman Kingdom was an act so heinous that the people of Rome were horrified and decried that they “would rather die a thousand deaths in defence of their liberty than suffer such outrages to be committed by the tyrants.”

Legend has it that in 510 BCE, Lucretia was assaulted and raped by Sextus Superbus, the son of Rome’s last king Tarquin (Targaryen), while he was staying with Lucretia’s husband, Collatinus, on a military campaign. The next day Lucretia told her father what had happened, asking for vengence before plunging a knife into her heart and dying in his arms. Revenge came swiftly as her husband and uncle led a rebellion that drove out the Tarquins and established a republic.


There are many similarities between this tragic (most likely mythical) tale and the story of Lyanna Stark, sister of Ned Stark, whose immediate family became the standard bearer’s of the revolution (Robert’s Rebellion) that did away with the Mad King. It was her brother Ned Stark and betrothed, Robert Baratheon, who led the armies after her supposed abduction by Rhaegar Targaryen.

We now know, thanks to Brann’s vision that Lyanna was not forcefully taken, but fled willingly and married Rhaegar in secret. But, as Game of Thrones likes to drill home – history is written by the victors, and as Robert’s Rebellion was successful and the Targaryens were all but annihilated, the truth behind the revolt was buried with them.

2 – Valyria and Rome

Just as medieval Europe clawed its way out of the ruins of the Roman Empire, Westeros too stands in the shadow of an older and, yet, superior civilisation: the Valyrian Freehold. Both conquered vast swathes of land through their military and technological superiority; both prospered off the back of slave economies; and both ultimately crumbled.

Upon arriving in Valyria in Season 5, Tyrion Lannister asks Jorah Mormont: “How many centuries before we learn how to build cities like this again?” There is evidence of people being equally awestruck when looking back at Roman architecture during the Middle Ages and the Renaissance. While gazing upon the dome of the Pantheon in the early 1500s, Michelangelo opined that it seemed of “angelic and not human design.” The Roman temple was already over 1,350 years old by this point. It was not just the architecture that the people felt nostalgic for. Valyria’s language was taught as part of the education of Westerosi nobility – much like Latin was (and still is) an important part of the Catholic Church and European nobility of later ages.

For all that the Roman Empire contributed to the world in terms of laws, language, markets, technology, architecture, and infrastructure, it was still not enough to prevent it’s downfall. A series of factors, including political incompetence, military defeats and loss of traditional values led to Rome being sacked by the Visigoths in 410 CE. This was not the case for Valyria, which was wiped out through natural, rather than man-made, causes. In making the “Doom of Valyria” a catastrophic volcanic eruption, Martin draws inspiration from two other civilisations: one historic, the Minoans; and one mythical, the city of Atlantis.

3 – The Wall

In northern England there stands the remnants of an ancient Roman wall that stretches 117 kilometers (73 miles) from coast to coast. Although little more than a ruin nowadays, in its heyday this wall stood at a formidable 6 metres (20 foot) high. This is the famous Hadrian’s Wall and inspired the 300-mile long, 700-foot-tall Wall that spans the two coastlines of Westeros in the frozen north. Scientifically, Martin’s Wall would never stand, even in the sub-zero temperatures of his fictionalised North, had it not been for the magic that bound it together. However, the 8,000-year old structure did not fair too badly… until it came up against an Ice Dragon!


Back to reality. After its completion in the late 120s CE, Hadrian’s Wall marked the northernmost frontier of the Roman Empire, shutting out Rome’s enemies. It was not the undead army of the Night King that the Romans were trying to keep out, but the northern British tribes and Caledonians. While the army of the Night King represents the antithesis of the people of Westeros, non-Roman tribes too were seen as “other” and considered barbarian in Roman thinking. This is evident in not just the Britons north of Hadrian’s Wall but also with the Germanic and Gallic tribes – the Romans used these peoples against whom the Romans could differentiate themselves with culturally.

4 – The Iron Bank of Braavos and the Medici

The Iron Bank of Braavos lurks behind the scenes of Westerosi finance from the first season. Ned Stark arrives in King’s Landing to find that the Iron Throne is in considerable debt, owing half to the Lannisters and half to the Iron Bank. Even Tywin, the powerful head of the Lannister family fears the Iron Bank, acknowledging its power as an inflexible operation that can not be evaded, lied to, or avoided.

Institutional money lending stretches back well into antiquity, with interest rates being set in law codes such as the Hammurabi Code (1754 BCE) in Ancient Mesopotamia and examples of pawnbroking in Classical Greece. It is not until 15th century Italy, however, that we see anything as formidable as the Iron Bank. Combining sound financial investment with political scheming, the Medici family went on to finance (and produce) popes and fund European kings. The money that their investments returned, however, they poured back into their city, Florence, partly to keep up the façade that it was still a republic and that there was no all-powerful family ruling over the citizens.

One way that the Iron Bank makes its fortune is by financially backing those that they believe will win. But as both the show and history has made clear, the uncertain nature of war proves to be the greatest enemy of certainty – the Bank invested considerably in Stannis Baratheon but lost it all when he was killed by Brienne of Tarth.

We also have parallels between the Iron Bank of Braavos and the Medici family during England’s Wars of the Roses. The Medici’s London branch got itself into serious trouble after lending to King Edward IV who defaulted, as did his enemies, the House of Lancaster, who also owed the Medici a considerable amount. This failure brought business in the London branch to a close and marked the beginning of the end for the Medici’s dominance over European banking.

5 – The Ironborn and the Vikings

Aside from the Dothraki hordes being inspired by the Mongol hordes, one of the most obvious comparisons between the people of Westeros is the Ironborn and the Vikings. The cultural disparities between the feudal system on the main land and the militarism of the Iron Islands are highlighted in the show through Theon Greyjoy. As Ned Stark’s hostage, he is exposed to a different, more softer, way of life at Winterfell than that of his fellow Ironborn.


In Theon’s father, Balon Greyjoy, we see indications of the Viking King Ceolwulf, who was installed on the Mercian throne, replacing the previous king. Ceolwulf was little more than a puppet, answerable to those he derived power from.

The extreme violence of the Ironborn’s liestyle boils all the way down to their bartering system – the “iron price” generally being beating one’s enemies to death until the desired possession becomes yours. King Balon’s brother, Euron Greyjoy, proves very talented at bludgeoning his opponents with his axe. This choice of weapon fits him within a Viking context as they were the most commonly used weapon of the Norsemen.

There are, however, a number of important differences between the Ironborn and the Vikings. While Martin would have the Ironborn as an almost totalitarian warrior society, the real Norsemen were a lot more socially stratified. There was so much more to Viking society than the brutish raping and pillaging that is, too often, associated with them. Vikings such as Leif Erikson and Erik the Red led voyages of exploration and the culture relied heavily on trade, both things that the Ironborn are against. The men from the Iron Islands represent the absolute worst of the Vikings and their culture.

6 – The Red Wedding and Scotland’s Bloody Past

George R.R. Martin revealed that two events from Scottish history inspired his infamous “Red Wedding” scene. The first was the execution of the 16-year-old William Douglas, 6th Earl of Douglas and his younger brother, David, in 1440 at an incident known as the “Black Dinner”.

The brothers had been invited, in the name of 10-year-old King James II, to visit the king at Edinburgh Castle in November. They were entertained at the royal table, where King James was charmed by them. During the feast, a platter was brought to the table and placed in front of Douglas. When lifted, the platter revealed the head of a black boar – a symbol of death. The brothers were dragged to the courtyard, given a short mock trial over trumped-up charges, and beheaded, over the protests of the young king.

In a showing of family disunity worthy of Game of Thrones, historians tend to agree that the boys’ great-uncle, James Douglas, was the main perpetrator of this shocking event. He became the 7th Earl of Douglas, and gained most from the executions. History remembers him as “James the Gross”.

The second event took place at Glencoe in the Highlands of Scotland. The massacre of thirty-eight members of the MacDonald Clan took place here in February 1692. For nearly two weeks the members of the Campbell Clan had been staying as the guests of the MacDonalds in Glencoe, but just as in Game of Thrones, the reality behind the massacre was more convoluted. Just as it was actually Tywin Lannister who organised the Stark’s massacre with the help of the Boltons, the order at Glencoe was given by the Scottish Secretary of State, John Dalrymple, 1st Earl of Stair.

Dalrymple was no fan of the Highland Clans in general as he viewed them as an obstruction towards a political union with England. After the first Jacobite uprising in 1689 failed to restore the Stuart monarchy, a Royal Proclamation was offered to those who swore allegiance to King William of Orange by January 1st 1692. Alisdair MacIain’s (head of the MacDonalds in Glencoe) failure to sign the oath of allegiance provided Dalrymple with the excuse he needed to eradicate the MacDonalds and send a message to the other clan heads who had failed to swear fealty to the new king.


Robert Campbell’s soldiers arrived at the MacDonald’s stronghold in Glencoe on 1 February and took shelter from the harsh winter conditions whilst being treated to the hospitality that they were entitled to under the Highland hospitality code. On the night of 13 February 1692, as a blizzard raged outside, the Campbells set about murdering every sleeping MacDonald they could find. Thirty-eight lay dead inside the fort the next morning and around forty others, mainly women and children, who had fled, ended up dying of exposure in the winter storms.

To this day the Glencoe Massacre still brews feelings of bad blood: visit the Clachaig Inn in Glencoe and you’ll read a sign declaring: “NO HAWKERS OR CAMPBELLS”.

7 – The Night’s Watch and Medieval Catholic Military Orders

The Night’s Watch was established as a military order tasked with defending the realm of men from the “Others“, beyond the Wall, shortly after the end of the Long Winter. The men of the Night’s Watch share many similarities with some of the Catholic Military Orders of knights throughout Medieval Europe and the Middle-East.


One such group was the Knights Templar who were a military Holy Order charged with protecting pilgrims passing through the Holy Land. Another was the Teutonic Order, originally set up in 1190 to care for the sick and wounded during the Siege of Acre, similar to the Knights Hospitaller, but soon began to militarise in 1198. Both Templars and Teutons took vows of celibacy, renouncing all female contact; and this observation of chastity rings echoes in the vow of the Night’s Watch: “I shall take no wife, hold no lands, father no children. I shall wear no crowns and win no glory.

We do not know the wording of the original vow sworn by the knights of the Teutonic Order or the Knights Templar, but its safe to assume that it centered around defending the Holy Land and the Christians who sought to visit the lands of Christ. We do know that there were many similarities with the Night’s Watch vow, including encouraging poverty and chastity.

Additionally, there are a number of similarities regarding the hierarchical structures of the fictional and historical orders. Just as men of the Night’s Watch are entirely loyal to their elected Lord Commander, the Templars and Teutons were utterly obedient to their elected Grand Master. Both the fictional and real military orders were autonomous: they were not answerable to kings or countries as they swore allegiance to their order which they viewed as serving a higher purpose.

The Rest is History

Click Here to read The Real Game of Thrones Part 1: The Wars of the Roses

10 Really Old Companies

I was watching the first Harry Potter movie, Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, with my son recently and in it there is a shop called Ollivanders which makes and sells magic wands. Why am I telling you this? Well, because the shop’s sign claims that the company has been operating since 382BCE. That is one hell of a long time to be in business!

But it did get me thinking… What are the world’s oldest companies and what industries do they operate in?

Interestingly, a huge amount of the world’s oldest companies still operating today are in Japan, most of which boast of being “family run” for dozens of generations. The majority of these long surviving business were created along trade routes from Tokyo to Kyoto and consist of many hotels and sake producers – you know, just the kind of businesses that traveling traders would make use of.

This post will focus on the oldest companies in a specific field, industry or specialisation rather than listing off the “10 oldest companies in the world” as it would be a list dominated by Japanese companies, three of which are hotels and two that create ceremonial or religious goods.

Of course, each of the companies listed below have stood the test of time throughout various natural disasters, wars, plagues, and periods of social and economic upheaval. When you consider that countries come and go, empires rise and fall, and millions of businesses have failed over the past millennium then the staying power of the companies listed below is all that more impressive.

Construction – Kongō Gumi – 578

Let’s start off with the oldest business and I’m sure you have figured out that it is, indeed, a Japanese company. This entry is a little bit of a cheat as the company technically underwent a liquidation in 2006, but it is still worth mentioning as the remnants of the business are still around.

Kongō Gumi is a Japanese construction company which was the world’s oldest continuously ongoing independent company, operating for over 1,400 years until it was absorbed as a subsidiary of another Japanese construction firm. The final president of the family run company was the 50th Kongō to lead the firm!


The Kongō Gumi construction company was founded in 578 – only 100 years after the fall of the Western Roman Empire and 1,200 years before the United States declared independence – after Prince Shōtoku invited skilled Korean immigrants over to build the Shitennō-ji Buddhist Temple. One of these migrants decided to found his own company, Kongō Gumi, which over the centuries has participated in the construction of many famous buildings, including the 16th century Osaka Castle.

For more information – Click Here

Hotel – Nishiyama Onsen Keiunkan – 705

The second, third and fourth places of the world’s oldest companies all go to Japanese hotels so let’s focus on the oldest of these, Nishiyama Onsen Keiunkan. In 2011 the hotel was officially recognised by the Guinness Book of Records as the oldest hotel in the world.

Nishiyama Onsen Keiunkan is a hot spring hotel (onsen hotel) located in the beautiful town of Hayakawa in Yamanashi Prefecture which was founded in 705 by Fujiwara Mahito. The hotel has been continuously operated by 52 generations of the same family for over 1,300 years.

Since its foundation over 1,300 years ago, the hotel has sourced all of its hot water directly from the Hakuho Springs at the foot of the Akaishi Mountains. The hotel was renovated in 1997 and offers 37 rooms for guests.

For more information – Click Here

Restaurant – Stiftskeller St. Peter – 803

The distinction of being the sixth oldest company in the world, oldest non-Japanese company in the world, oldest restaurant in the world, and oldest European company belongs to the Stiftskeller St. Peter.


This is an interesting one as the restaurant lies within the walls of St Peter’s Abbey in the Austrian city of Salzburg. The restaurant claims to be the oldest as it was mentioned in an early Middle Ages document. The English scholar Alcuin of York mentioned Stiftskeller St. Peter in the Carmina anthology in 803 when he served the Emperor Charlemagne.

Incredibly, Stiftskeller St. Peter has boasted some very impressive giants of European and world history as guests. The explorer Christopher Columbus, alchemist and inspiration for many works of art Johann Georg Faust, and musical composer Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart are all said to have been served at the restaurant.

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Winery – Staffelter Hof – 862

The earliest known evidence of winemaking at a relatively large scale has been found in the Middle East with the oldest winery press, dating back 6,000 years, found in an Armenian cave.


To find the oldest (still functioning) winery in the world, look no further than the Staffelter Hof Winery in Kröv, Germany. The Staffelter Hof name goes as far back as 862 – the first written record of the Staffelter Hof abbey is on an original document located in the city archives of Liège, Belgium. Lands belonging to the Frankish Carolingian Empire, which spread as far east as Kröv and beyond were donated to the abbey to work as a source of income. These lands were in the possession of the abbey until the introduction of the Napoleonic Code in 1804 when it was purchased by Peter Schneiders and subsequently passed down 7 generations to the current owner and wine maker.

This business witnessed and survived the fall of the Holy Roman Empire, the bloody wars of religion that ravaged central Europe following the Reformation, Napoleon’s conquests, and the destruction of two world wars… and still, to this day, cultivates several hectares of vines.

For more information – Click Here

Mint – Monnaie de Paris – 864

The Monnaie de Paris is the world’s oldest active government-owned institution and has been minting coins for France since 864. The French people have had many masters and regimes since Charles the Bald ordered the creation of the mint, including:


  • Carolingian Dynasty
  • Capetian Dynasty
  • House of Valois
  • House of Bourbon
  • First Republic
  • House of Bonaparte
  • House of Orléans
  • Second Republic
  • Third Republic
  • Nazi Regime
  • Fourth Republic
  • Fifth Republic

The Monnaie de Paris produced and issued coins for each and every one. Many ancient coins are housed in the collections maintained at the headquarters located in Paris. Since 1973 the main coin striking plant has been located at Pessac, Nouvelle-Aquitaine after it was decided in 1958 to move the minting facilities away from the capital.

During the Middle Ages, there were numerous local mints located in the provincial cities officially issuing legitimate French coinage struck in the name of the ruler and this practice continued as late as 1878. Despite this, the Monnaie de Paris was always the prime issuer.

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Foundry – Marinelli Bell Foundry – 1040

Founded in 1040 the Marinelli Bell Foundry is Italy’s oldest business and one of the oldest family-run businesses in the world. The foundry, which produces cast metals, has a tradition of foundries dating back ten centuries. As such, in 1924 the foundry was awarded the title of “pontifical foundry” by the Vatican and the Catholic Church now accounts for roughly 90% of all orders placed for the company.

Typically, the foundry currently produces around 50 bells a year and employees between 10 and 15 skilled employees. Amazingly, the firm still applies the same casting technique that the founders used nearly 1,000 years ago.

Due to the age of the foundry, the company hosts tours for enthusiasts seeking a museumesque experience. Again, due to the longevity of the foundry the Marinelli Bell Foundry have created a huge amount of bells and their work can be seen on many of the historic churches around Italy. In recent years, the foundry have also supplied bells to New York (United Nations Building), South America, China, and Jerusalem. In 2000 the Foundry presented Pope John Paul II with the official Jubilee Bell that now hangs in St. Peter’s Square.

Agriculture – Halydean Corporation – 1128

The only company on this list to reside in the “New World”, the Halydean Corporation operates out of Hayward, Wisconsin, United States of America. The company dates back to 1128, roughly 650 years before the United States existed… wait! What!?

There are well documented legal records showing that the business that would later become the Halydean Corporation was established in 1128 in Roxburgh, Scotland by King David I of Scotland, with holdings primarly consisting of thousands of acres of grazing land. Although founded by a monarch, it was operated by the Catholic Church which allowed it to enjoy perpetual tax exemption. In 1545, ownership passed hands to the local Royal Burgh (which was held by the Crown) after the Earl of Hertford reduced the abbey, where Halydean was run from, to ruins during English King Henry VIII’s Rough Wooing.

King James

During the reign of King James VI (later the first “King of Great Britain and Ireland”) in 1602 proprietorship was reorganised and passed into private ownership, albeit assigned to various members of the Scottish peerage. The company remained this way until 2014 when the company was, once again, reorganised – this time into a US company, as a wholly owned subsidiary of the Barony and Lordship of Halydean (Scotland) by the current Lord of Halydean.

The present business plan remains consistent with the original charter of 1128. The main difference is that the company no longer holds the right to carry out the death sentence… under it’s feudalistic roots it really could do this!

For more information – Click Here

Harbour – Aberdeen Harbour Board – 1136

One of the oldest businesses still in operation in the United Kingdom is the Aberdeen Harbour Board. Lying at the mouth of two rivers (the Dee and the Don) feeding into the North Sea in North-East Scotland, Aberdeen was, and still is, ideally located to trade around the North Sea with Scandinavian and Baltic ports. There has been a harbour in Aberdeen since at least the 10th century when the Vikings burned the city, but it was our friend from the Halydean Corporation, above, King David I that first granted the Bishops of Aberdeen the right to tax ships trading in the port in 1136.

Although the medieval harbour was considered as a safe anchorage it was difficult to access at low tide. Records show that a crane was installed in 1582 to load and unload the ships and that in 1596, King James VI granted a charter to pay for a bulwark to help deepen the harbour entrance. Several more enhancements to the harbour throughout the following centuries, including involvement from the likes of the civil engineer Thomas Telford and the famed lighthouse designer Robert Stevenson, have led to the modern harbour.

Like any other business, Aberdeen Harbour Board are looking to the future and the latest major development to the harbour is currently under construction. This ambitious plan seeks to add an entire new harbour to the city in order to improve infrastructure and service levels of the city.

For more information – Click Here

Bank – Banca Monte dei Paschi di Siena -1472

The six oldest banks in the world currently still operating were all founded in Italy near the end of the 15th century, at the high point of the Renaissance, but the oldest of these is the Banca Monte dei Paschi di Siena (MPS).

Tracing its history back to a mount of piety (an institutional pawnbroker run as a charity) founded in 1472, in the Republic of Siena, the current form of the bank dates to 1624 when Siena was incorporated into the Grand Duchy of Tuscany and Grand Duke Ferdinando II granted to the depositors of the mount of piety, in their warrant, the income of the state-owned pastures of Maremma (the so-called “Paschi”). During the 17th and 18th centuries the bank increased its banking activities. The unification of Italy in 1861 presented an opportunity for further expansion across the peninsula, and MPS began to initiate new activities such as mortgage loans – the first company in Italy to do this.

The bank was successfully listed on the Italian stock exchange in June 1999 and wasted no time in taking full advantage of its new capital by beginning an intense phase of commercial and operational expansion, and acquired several regional banks.

MPS appeared to survive the onslaught of the 2008 Global Financial Crisis, but after a string of scandals the share price of the bank began to plummet and the bank was forced to ask the Italian government for a bailout. Despite the Italian government currently being the major shareholder of MPS it is still the fourth largest commercial and retail bank in the country and operates 2,000 domestic branches and a further 40 abroad.

For more information – Click Here

Firearms – Beretta – 1526

Another Italian company, the Beretta Gun Factory opened its doors in 1526 in the town of Gardone Val Trompia in the province of Brescia in Lombardy.

Val Trompia, an Italian river valley in Brescia, has been mined for iron ore since the time of the Romans. During the Middle Ages, the area was known for its ironworks, and after the Renaissance it came to be a centre for weapons manufacturers. By the mid 16th century Val Trompia was home to forty ironworks, supplied by fifty mines – it was here, in this smithy’s playground that Beretta was formed on the banks of the Mella river in Gardone.

It is thought that the Beretta forge was in operation from around 1500, but the first documented transaction is a contract dated October 1526 for arquebus barrels from the Republic of Venice. By the end of the 17th century, Beretta had grown to become the second largest gun barrel maker in Gardone – yeah, just the small town. Not quite the heady heights of global recognition at that point.


But still, the company continued to grow and by all accounts Beretta-made barrels equipped the Venetian fleet which helped to defeat the Ottomans at the pivotal Battle of Lepanto in 1571 and the company has supplied weapons for every major European war since 1650.

In the 1980s. Beretta enjoyed a renewal of popularity in North America after its M9 pistol was selected as the service handgun for the United States Army.

For more information – Click Here

The Rest is History

5 Terrible Roman Emperors

The post-republic ancient Roman Empire lasted from 27 BCE until 395 CE before it split into two separate Empires: the Western Roman Empire and the Eastern Roman Empire. In that time the Empire, which dominated the Mediterranean world saw 71 emperors and co-regents. Some of them good, some of them bad, and some of them just downright terrible. Today we will have a look at five of the worst emperors and examine some of the atrocities committed by these dictators.

It is worth remembering at this point that many of the men featured on this list were despised by their own citizens and that some of their actions may have been embellished, if not completely fabricated after their deaths. With that said, these men were hated for a reason.

In chronological order:

Caligula 37 – 41 CE


Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus, better known to history by his nickname “Caligula” (the name translates as “Little Boots” and was provided by his father’s troops who took great joy in watching the young boy march around with them) was selected to be emperor by his great uncle Tiberius.

Initially, the empire rejoiced at the accession of the young Caligula. For the first seven months or so, he was loved by all. He paid handsome bonuses to the military, to get them on his side, and recalled many whom his predecessors Augustus and Tiberius had exiled. In October 37 he became seriously ill and it was not the young, beloved emperor that emerged but rather one of the most reviled and evil men in human history. Caligula has been accused of some of the most disgusting, insane, and explicitly depraved crimes against humanity…and most of them are more than mere accusations!

The young despot began ordering the murder of anyone who had ever dared to cross him, or even disagreed with him on mundane matters. And Caligula had a very good memory. He exiled his own wife, and proclaimed himself to be a god, dressing up as Apollo, Venus (a goddess), Mercury and Hercules. He demanded that everyone refer to him as divine whilst in his presence.

Whilst he was a boy, a soothsayer told Caligula that he had no more chance of becoming emperor than riding a horse across the Gulf of Baiae. As an adult, Caligula had a pontoon bridge built across the Gulf, put on the breastplate of Alexander the Great, and paraded night and day across the makeshift bridge. Another mad thing that he did was attempt to have his favourite horse, Incitatus, instated as a consul in an effort to belittle the politicians of Rome.

One story has it that a citizen once insulted him to his face in a fit of rage. Big mistake! Caligula responded by having the man tied down and beaten with heavy chains… every day… for three months. The man was brought from the dungeon and beaten, until Caligula was too offended by the smell of the man’s gangrenous brain, whereupon he was beheaded.

Perhaps the most sickening act that Caligula is accused of was to have another insulter and his entire family publicly executed one after another in front of a crowd. The man and his wife were first, followed by the eldest child down. The final member of the family was a 12-year-old girl, who having just watched her entire family killed was almost spared as one onlooker shouted that she should be exempt from execution as she was still a virgin. Caligula ordered the executioner to rape her and then strangle her.

The people of Rome were finally spared the evil man’s tyranny when he was murdered by the Praetorian Guard and some senators after his announcement that he was going to move to Egypt where he wished to live as a living god. The prospect of Rome losing its emperor and thus its political power was the final straw for many. Such a move would have left both the Senate and the Praetorian Guard powerless to stop Caligula’s repression and debauchery. Imagine how ruthless he would have been without a leash!!

Nero 54 – 68 CE


Nero is perhaps the most well-known of the bad Roman emperors, and the one that we love to hate the most. He was, however, a rather competent administrator, and was aided in his stewardship of the Empire by some very able men, including his tutor: the writer and philosopher Seneca the Younger.

However, Nero did not always use his capable managerial skills for the good of the people and he was, unquestionably, a murderer, starting with his step-brother Britannicus, with whom he had been supposed to share power, and moving through his wife, Octavia, whom he deserted for his lover, Poppaea. Octavia was executed on trumped-up charges of adultery. Next on the hit list was his own mother, Agrippina. The initial attempt, using a collapsible boat, failed so Nero sent an assassin to finish the job. Her last words, supposedly, being “Smite my womb”, the implication being that the first part of her to be destroyed should be the part that gave birth to the vile emperor. Once Poppaea was with child and married to Nero he kicked her to death in a fit of rage!

Contrary to myth, Nero did not start the Great Fire of Rome, nor did he ‘fiddle’ (his instrument of choice was the lyre anyway), while the city burned. The truth is that Nero organised relief work for the victims. However, this brief popularity rapidly gave way to intense hatred after he built his huge “Golden House” complex (including the Colossus of Nero – a 30-metre bronze statue himself) in the ruins of what had been the public area of central Rome, destroyed in the fire, which he paid for by heavily taxing the populace.

Nero was terribly fond of his own music and poetry. He forced senators to sit through his own endless and talentless recitals which they were awfully embarrassed with; entertainers in Roman society were viewed as the lowest rung of non-enslaved society and it was viewed as very unfitting for the emperor to be performing these lowly arts.

Nero was finally toppled by an army revolt and he committed suicide (or rather got his private secretary to do the deed) uttering the words “Qualis artifex pereo” (“What an artist dies with me”) whilst he paced up and down preparing for death.

Commodus 180 – 192 CE


Commodus was the son of Marcus Aurelias, the Philosopher and last of the rulers traditionally known as the Five Good Emperors. Unfortunately for the people of Rome who had just experienced eighty plus years of “good” leadership, the apple fell far from the tree with this one.

Commodus was a debauched, corrupt megalomaniac who viewed himself as the reincarnation of the Greek god Hercules and had himself portrayed as such in countless statutes. However, Commodus was said to be lazy, leading a life of idle debauchery who surrendered his palace to his friends and Praetorian Prefects, who then in turn sold imperial favours.

In 192 he renamed the city of Rome ‘Colonia Lucia Annia Commodiana’. The months of the year, the legions, the fleet, the senate, the imperial palace, and the citizens of Rome themselves were all renamed after him too.

His love of the games was such that he disgraced his royal status by performing like a slave in the arena, slaughtering hundreds of exotic animals such as ostriches, elephants and the ferocious giraffe. Commodus, the emperor, also fought gladiators who had been handicapped (think of Joaquin Phoenix’s portrayal of the character in the film Gladiator where he stabs Russell Crowe’s Maximus before the fight) and dared not triumph anyway. Commodus charged the state a massive fee for each appearance. This ridiculous spectacle horrified the populace and ultimately led to his demise.

When Commodus revealed that he intended to celebrate the rebirth of Rome by fighting in the arena on New Year’s Day in 193, his mistress and advisors attempted to talk him out of it. When they were unsuccessful, his mistress, Marcia, attempted to poison him. When the poison failed, Commodus’ fitness coach, Narcissus, choked the emperor to death whilst in the bath the day before the games on December 31 192.

Caracalla 198 – 217 CE


Caracalla was the son of Emperor Septimius Severus and ascended to power along with his brother Geta. However, the two sons had never got on and had developed a burning hatred for one another over their formative years which only intensified as adults. When Caracalla and Geta became co-emperors they decided to divide the palace into two halves: such was the pettiness of the men. It was only a matter of time before one killed the other and after numerous attempts from both siblings it was Caracalla who finally triumphed in the most shocking way: he had his men murder Geta in front of their mother!

Once Geta was out of the picture Caracalla had all memory of him erased from history by the Senate, statues destroyed, and his followers slaughtered. It is estimated that 20,000 people fell victim to this condemnation of memory.

Edward Gibbon, the great 18th century historian of Rome and writer of The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire, referred to Caracalla as “the common enemy of mankind” whose reign was characterised by “rapine and cruelty”. And for good reason. Caracalla spent little time in Rome, choosing instead to imitate his hero, Alexander the Great, with conquests in Africa and the Middle East. He reintroduced Alexander’s by-then obsolete military tactics and persecuted the philosophical followers of Aristotle because a legend had it that Aristotle had Alexander poisoned.

A theatrical satire of his excesses and defence of self-defence against his brother was staged in Alexandria. Caracalla did not appreciate being the butt of the joke and arrived to the city in 215 where he promptly had the delegation of leading citizens slaughtered before setting his troops to loot the city for several days.

Caracalla was stabbed to death whilst urinating by a soldier who was incensed that Caracalla had failed to promote him.

Maximinus Thrax 235 – 238 CE


Maximinus Thrax ruled the Roman Empire from 235 until 238 and is often blamed for causing the “Crisis of the Third Century” (a fifty-year period in which the Roman Empire nearly collapsed under the combined pressures of invasion, plague, civil war and economic depression).

Maximinus was, by all accounts, a huge man, well over 6 feet tall, perhaps even 7 feet or more and came from lowly birth in the Roman province of Thrace (parts of modern Greece, Turkey and Bulgaria). As the commander of the Legio IV Italica Maximinus was thrust into power by the soldiers under his command after the assassination of Emperor Severus Alexander.

The new Emperor did not trust anyone and intended to extract the people’s love from conquest and expansion. His first campaign was against the Alamanni people of Germania who were of no threat to Rome at the time. Maximinus’ armies crushed the Alamanni, but at great cost to the army and the people felt no love for this. He continued his conquests against people who had not instigated any ill feeling towards Rome. This was seen as a very un-Roman thing to do as they believed in “Just War” and not war for the sake of it (or so they liked to believe anyway).

In order to pay for his wars of expansion, Maximinus Thrax heavily taxed the populace and only ever showed concern for the soldiers, whose pay he had increased greatly.

A revolt began in North Africa, setting up two claimants to the throne, which was supported by the Roman Senate. In response, Maximinus marched his exhausted army on Rome who were unable to break through the gates of the city. The Praetorian Guard finally had enough of Thrax and stabbed him in the back.

Maximinus Thrax: The Roman Emperor who never set foot in Rome.

The Rest is History